the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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