i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
