Swine flu. Run for my life!
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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