I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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