If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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