dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
