SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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