Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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