I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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