a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm always down for nudity.
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