In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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