i just google imaged poop.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Randomize
