Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
