His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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