this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
