Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I still have a little drunk in my system
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
