He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
