Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm just crazy horny about you
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
