Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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