Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
