I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
