my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
