love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
