The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
