i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
