So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
