I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
