i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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