girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
