How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
