I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
