So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
