My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
