yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Randomize
