she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
