I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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