she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
