you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
