I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
