yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
