and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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