You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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