I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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