Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
