420 ftw
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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