I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
