I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
