People with herpes should wear stickers.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
