Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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