TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
