i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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