i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
