she smelled like a LAN party
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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